Office Xmas Party Etiquette

As we head toward the end of the year and into the festive season, it’s time again for all those office Christmas parties. You know those perilous events where at least one person completely embarrasses themselves and has to live with for twelve months before the next fool takes their place. Here are some tips on how to make sure you don’t become the person who has to hide their face every time the party is remembered in the future.

Do’s

- Do actually attend. Your workplace is putting on this event for you, the staff, so to blow it off would be considered quite rude. Unless you have a legitimate excuse you should go. Anyway, you’ve been working hard all year, so why not have a bit of fun relaxing with your work-mates?

- Do dress appropriately. Often Christmas parties carry a theme and while it’s good to get into the spirit of things, try to keep things a little conservative. The letter ‘P’ is considered particularly dangerous, with options such as penis, pimp, and prostitute available. It’s even more important not to dress as a prostitute if the party isn’t themed.

- Do eat and hydrate regularly. This goes without saying. Maintaining your composure over the course of the night requires good management of the alcohol you’ll also be consuming. Food and water certainly help.

- Do interact and socialise. It’s a social event so no one will appreciate the party pooper sitting in the corner drinking alone. Use this as an opportunity to build better relationships with the people you work with.

- Do keep conversation about business to a minimum. This is a time to get away from work, have some fantastic philosophical discussions instead, or whatever.

- Do enjoy yourself and appreciate the moment you get some reward for your efforts during the year.

Don'ts

- Don’t bring a party crasher. If guests are allowed and you don’t have a spouse or partner, be sure to know your guest well. Nothing would be worse than behaving perfectly only to cop the blame for your guest ruining everything because they threw up or stripped on the dance floor.

- Don’t try to be the life of the party. Everyone is there to relax. They don’t need you telling loud jokes or cooking up hair-brained ideas to have fun. It will just seem like you’re trying too hard. In fact, this can be simplified to don’t be a 'd#$!head'.

- Don’t be a know-it-all. Trying to impress everyone with your opinion on absolutely everything won’t go down well. See above except replace with 'w#$*ker'.

- Don’t get too drunk. This can’t be stressed enough because it can lead to many other don’ts such as the ones that follow.

- Don’t annoy people. Going around and commenting on people’s sexuality or level of promiscuity is just downright wrong but it’s been known to happen.

- Don’t crack onto the boss. This one is pretty self-explanatory.

- Don’t believe you’re suddenly the greatest singer in the world. Nothing sends people packing like a bad karaoke rendition. Save it for the shower.

- Don’t remove your shoes or clothing. Beer goggles may be convincing you everyone needs to see your body, but they don’t. It’s sloppy and undignified.

- Don’t get rowdy. So you’ve had a dislike for someone you work with for a while. Well here is not the time and place to raise it. Getting into a sledging match, or even worse fisticuffs, will spoil the fun for everyone.

- Don’t drive yourself home if you’ve been drinking. Too often celebration turns to tragedy. Take a taxi, or get a lift from a sober driver.

- Don’t wake up with a hangover. Hopefully...

There you have it. Everything you need to safely negotiate the Christmas party and have everyone still duped into thinking you’re a wonderful human being.